There comes a stage in life where you learn to put aside certain dreams in order to pursue reality. I think this begins a journey where you can start to appreciate yourself. All too soon do we chase after our heart’s nightly wish.
Today I cried about work for ten minutes straight then went back to work.
Now I’ve chugged two cans of coke and belched out loud.
I also coughed up four digits worth of care repair money.
I also just landed in my home city last night at eleven at night.
I just realized how in the past 5 years, I’ve become sarcastic and bitter. Sitting at a high school choir class parents night schpeel…… I couldn’t stop rolling my eyes and be disgusted with the typos on the handout. ….the guy talking right now is better than the woman earlier…uggg their presentation sucks, a word document with 10 point font at 100% zoom???????
Wtf! Oh, and that Frisbee joke wasn’t even funny…..
Man Oh man, I was a senior only 5 years ago, when did things change or was I just out of the loop?!
Booster club president with stage fright!!!! Argggg! Is this where all the failures ended up as Soon as they had kids?
I really want to tell them off. Is it okay to submit a anonymous comment about how disappointed I am right now?
Why is the solution to get plastic surgery on kids to avoid bullying but not to teach the bullies to respect others and appreciate differences?
Why is the answer to the fundamental question the beginning to a multitude of irrelevance.
The problem isn’t because that little girl had floppy ears, or the short kids with giant braces , or even the child with the awkward gait. It is the lack of parenting and educational discipline. The real world will continue to foster bullies as adults because “avoidance” isn’t the correct answer. Their view and perception of how to treat others is the true substance of their ignorance.
Yes we might enjoy our job (sometimes). Yes we might get great personal satisfaction from helping people and making placements, managing the whole process from picking up a new job with a new client, then finding a candidate who might fit the…
And here I am. I loved Math. I was great at it. And then we broke up. I decided to have a fling with Liberal Arts in college. I had always seen myself as a creative. ‘See the world!’ They said. ’Don’t just settle on the first one you come across’ They said.
I should have known it was doomed for failure. I can’t believe it took me so long to realize.
The reason flings have never worked is because I’m not merely seeking to satiate my physical prowess appetite. What I really really need is the emotional intimacy that all humans crave — acceptance. Acceptance beyond reproach. Acceptance without compromise. Acceptance of the whole. No apologies. No redundancy. No remorse.
It takes days of driving in rush hour traffic, countless moments on the white porcelain throne, and endless speckles of free forming subconscious synapses for me to realize this. Amazing. Effing amazing.
Sure, you can say that I’m betraying my body. Sure, you can also say that I have no respect for my soul. But it is precisely this blend of my flawed philosophy on life that makes me apart of humanity. Or at least the portion of us who are doomed, for now, to a life of singleton-ness.
Never have I encountered such a height of epiphany. Sure I got suckered into a “not-a-date-date” thing on Saturday and watched a hilariously gory movie. Sure I got a friend who came to visit and left me stalking around his house for hours. But then I have to ask myself, why do I do these things?
The answer should have been as obvious as the size of my butt. It protrudes like nobody’s business and I can slap it on the cheek! I did those things because I know that the person doing them with me genuinely enjoys my company. Whether I return the sentiment or not. And if there’s a person out there who accepts me, or at least a distorted perception of what I call ‘self’, then why the heck not?!
Who doesn’t like getting all the attention? Who doesn’t want to be complimented? Who doesn’t want to be an influence? Who doesn’t want to be loved, cared for, cried over?
The fact of the matter is, people spend too much time chasing after something they thought they wanted only to end up realizing obtaining it brings no additional utility whatsoever. So crap! What now?!
What I want and what I got are different.
It is also at these moments of reflection that you realize what a shamble life really is. You think to yourself, “I could have been something great. Someone awesome. Doing this and that, going here and there, being so and so…” But at the end of the day, you sober up from the day dreaming and tell yourself, you’re here because reality slapped you in the face and dealt you a shatty hand of cards. Since life is a gamble, you just got screwed by reality.
People keep telling you “it’s not too late, you’re never too old…” But the truth is. They are effing lying to you! It IS too late. You ARE too OLD. Being in your twenties may sound nice in theory like you just got past the teenage phase and ready to step into the fresh limelight of adult hood. But that’s just sugarcoated BS. Being in your twenties mean you gotta hurry up and find somebody to spend the rest of your life with. And you better hope you don’t end up with a loser or else your kids are going to grow up more miserable than you are. And you’re already too overweight, over-age, and overtly bitter to be in the Miss Hong Kong beauty pageant. Not that you were ever going to win anyways. there’s a little problem of height involved.
All in all, I’d say life is a potty hole. Sure, one could always be worst off. But I all I ever thought about was how much shittier life can be, why the heck am I alive? Having drive and passion will do you no good if you can’t make legit sacrifices. Why don’t I make them you ask? Because along with a bad temper, I also somehow inherited a sense of family values and basic ethical morals.
I swear though, if I ever life long enough to see retirement and have a decent load of cash. I’m so going to do whatever the hell I want. And I mean whatever I want, because I’ve had enough of being a good person and caring about how tomorrow will pan out because today is going down the drain.
Live like you mean it. Or else ‘it’ will eat you alive.
A typical Sunday…or any day of the week really. Lost in my own thoughts due to either extreme boredom or self-depriving solitude.
When you meet a person, you say to yourself, I’m just gonna leave a few footprints here and there in their lives, no big deal, no harm done, and then we’ll go our separate ways. No strings. No attachments.
Well I guess that’s true for the most part. It’s more like there’s no strings attaching me to that person. But rather a stringy knot that I’ve wrapped around myself and the blurry shadow of what I liked about that person. It’s not that I particularly miss them in general, but the fact that I missed the person I was when they were around.
It’s unsettling to think humanity are truly creatures of the masses. Quite literally, it seems we’re unable to survive by ourselves. Or else it’d be utterly miserable. Little wonder most people would rather settle with a group of mediocre influence versus no human interaction at all.
It’s appalling to contemplate about how I think in general. My hypocritical nature combined with an ego-complex. But let’s not dwell on those for too long, lest I might go on a ramble that may not end for days….